I was supposed to publish this entry around 2AM, but I got sleepy. (Yes! At last you came! I was waiting for you since 9PM.) Of course, I will definitely not going to fight for it. So instead of publishing, I ended up dropping my phone anywhere on the floor and travel to Dream Land. It was another alone time where my head kept on thinking of so many things that I was not sure why it just came in. I won’t change everything I wrote that time. Let’s just assume that it is around 1AM now.
I was comfortably sleeping but when I tried to close my eyes, my mind is still awake. What a wrong timing moment that it is already early Monday, and the fact that I am going to work, but still I am awake. Err. “What’s wrong with you mind?” I think there are things bothering me. I don’t want to say any deepest meaning I could think of for this wrong timing but that could be another reason to blame for. “Ano na Car? Hindi ka pa ba matutulog?” So, I picked up my phone and tried to find my sleep by browsing my social accounts, and read some blogsite. I feel that I badly need something to read… anything that would give me interest. I also tried to make a summary of the story that I am recently working on, but then again for the fifth time (? I guess…) I failed to make it into something interesting. It was like a story with so many beginnings but there was like no ending. What’s with that right? I am literally wasting my time, and just putting so much pressure in my head. Now, I am trying to feel sleepy, maybe after writing this down. I was in a random thoughts situation again. My life is so random. In a sense that sometimes I was thinking if I have any direction with my life after all. Actually… it is like; I am feeling the same from the last week of December. Those kinds of emotions I don’t know why it keeps on making me feel this way. With all honesty, there were really times that I feel my life is not making it worth. I know I am the one who should be making it worthy, but until now I am asking myself… “How? How could I really do that?” Last time I posted that kind of dramatic thing in my Twitter account @mrcrdelrosario:
I feel that I am not making them feel it because I still have nothing to prove. “For how long would I ever just keep on dreaming for something that is so hard to achieve?” That is so serious huh! But yes, I am still stuck. It is something that I should not let in but keeping it in. Sometimes, I am thinking if things could twist. I know it’s impossible. There were also times that I was having that mixed emotions that driving me crazy. Am I really overacting? Or I am just worried on what is gonna happen soon? I don’t know, but of course, I am somehow afraid. There will be many days to spend again, and I was like… “spend on searching, again? Err.” Oh, I am yawning. Is this for real? So, I just have to write things first just to feel sleepy? But wait, I have to finish this one before I go to Dream Land. These past few days, I was seriously thinking for my future, especially during the time that I walk home alone. I was thinking if I could really have a wonderful future. Of course, we all don’t have an idea on what is really going to happen, but I was so eager to find an answer for that. I don’t know how, so prayer is one thing that I just do to lessen that worries. I just hope that before it happens, I could find first my passion. From there, I could understand more my real purpose. I will just keep on praying. I know God will help me find an answer. Alright! I badly need to sleep now. It is going to be 2AM in 10mins. I have to wake up at 7AM. I hope my alarm clock will work well. Okay. Goodnight everyone! I hope you could also have a wonderful dream tonight! Wait… it should be Goodmornight everyone!