It is my first entry to tell you about the reason of my real happiness. I am always writing about my dreams, and all other random things happening around me, but now it is going to be something really different. Everything that I am going to write here is what I really feel as of this moment. There could be some sort of where it is coming from, but I can’t tell it straight. I just want to freely express my feelings and my thoughts as of this particular time. So, it is 9:06 PM when I started writing. I am not thinking what I am going to write. I am just keep on writing. I am currently sitting at the side of the bed, while he is just beside me playing his favorite game. I am not sure if he is reading it because I am not looking at him, knowing that he is seriously playing. I just heard that he is singing a song and changed some part of the lyrics with the title of my entry (so, somehow, he tried to read the title huh!) Anyway… Let me start now.
It is 3 years now (actually more than that) starting the day when we became together. We were still studying back then. (So, I am trying to start with “how did we meet?”) We were classmates in one of our major subjects. It was just ordinary days for me, until one day… I’ve had the chance to know you more. I can still remember that smooth actions of yours that made me feel that I should give a try. It was not fast, but it was not even slow. I could say… it was actually a perfect timing. (You did a great job there) So, my days started to focus on you, as well as all my attentions. It was like I could not see anyone passing by or anyone trying, because the only one I am seeing was you. Then, we started to became close, we’ve shared stories about ourselves, became each other’s motivation, and the best of all feelings was… when we started to see and feel that there was something to look forward together. How would I ever forget that moments that we were starting to know each other well? It was the sweetest thing I’ve ever had in my entire life. It was a feeling that I always want to remember. It was the time that I started to fall to someone I never thought I would be. Everything was unexpected, yet so perfect. It was not easy back then, but everything went so well because of you. You are not just my inspiration, you are also my motivation. That is how love makes me something different from what I was before. It made me feel that my heart should be dedicated to someone who is worth it. I can always remember the time when you told me that you’ve waited for me. (For 2 years, right?) You don’t know how happy I am to know that. It is actually hard to believe at first, but your actions and sincere love let me feel that it is true. I even asked myself… is that really possible? That someone could wait for me for that long? I could not see myself special. I was just an ordinary girl with limited friends. I was usually alone walking, eating, and studying in school. So, how could that really happen?
July 18, 2012. The exact day when we decided to make our next day’s special and extra ordinary. You know what… I am so happy when you came. It was really an overwhelming feeling that no one could ever give. It was all because of you. There are so many happy memories that I will always cherish; and that memories still keep on going because we are making more of it.
We graduated, we are now working. Time has come that we got exposed to lots of people. We became distracted, got disappointed, got hurt, cried, and even let each other go. We took enough time to rest and think. It was something really hard to remember, and if I did… it always breaks my heart. (That feeling that I even can’t control my tears) Until we decided to meet again, we gave each other another chance and tried to make things works better than before. We’ve made promises. We’ve seen each other effort to feel that the heart ones get broken is now getting stronger. (I just hope that I am right on this)
My Love, we are now at the right time to think for something in advance. We actually started to plan for it little by little. We also decided that we will be walking on the same path together; even we both know that it is going to be a hard path to go through. But I want you to know, that I am willing to take all the risks. I am much willing to give you the love and happiness that I can, as long as I could. I am willing to brighten each of your days, as long as you want it too. I am here… and I promise that I will always be here for you. Not only as your partner, but I could also be your friend. I’ve tried to give up sometimes before, but I am now confident to say that it won’t happen again. I will, and always try to understand all your imperfections and all your decisions. I know there could be things that I will totally disagree, but I will try to understand how you come up with that kind of decision that you really want to even fight for it. We both know that we have this kind of plans, but we are not sure if this is really going to happen. I know something could change you… or even us. But as long as my heart is strong enough, I won’t give up. Like you, I also have imperfections, but as long as we both choose to stay and accept the real us. I am sure we can go farther than what we are now.
I am happy knowing you; and I will always be grateful that you came in to my life. Since the time I’ve been with you, until today… my feelings towards you never changed. I want to always let you know how much I love you, because this love is so true since the start of everything. But I have to tell you the other side of my thoughts…
If one day, you just feel that there is something that is changing… Please tell me. I will not see everything, but I am surely going to listen to every single word that you are going to say. If you feel that when you wake up something is wrong… Please be honest with me. I know I could get hurt, but at least you have tried to tell me the truth. If you feel that everything is already wrong… let’s talk please. I know it could or could not be fixed, but at least we’ve tried to be honest. You know what, I could not imagine life if one day, you’ll go… but I have to accept it.
I don’t know when you would be able to read my letter for you, so I will just keep this letter open, because I know that you will read it at the right time. I am writing this one now, because I want you to know that in the deepest part of me saying that not all things could work as what we want it to be. Not all people could stay the same, because time will come that even you don’t want to change you still will. I am actually thinking for the worst thing that could ever happen to us, not because I want you to feel that it is going to be okay (because it will never be). I just want to think for things that I don’t want to happen, but might happen. I don’t know. It’s really dramatic… I know. It’s really emotional… that is actually my intention. But I want to tell you this…
I Will Love You… Until The End
Can you still remember this one?
I hope this is the first and last…
I Love You.